Updated: Mar 3
I have had a Shadow King show up in my life who was a barista at my favorite, local coffee shop.
We shared no mutual friends, nor did he use social media. He was the front man of a popular band and I am pretty sure had a girlfriend. (Not that he was honest enough to say so, even if I had openly inquired. If you will have to read more of my writing in the future to find out why I was 99% sure he had a girlfriend. Anyhoot...) He ended up with my phone number and proceeded to sext me on his flight to perform at a summer concert series in Brooklyn, New York. He was sitting next to his band mates on the plane, texting me the sexual things he wanted us to do together and all I could think was about how his bandmates must know exactly what he is doing and are sitting there smirking at the jerk. Pattern much? It was odd because it wasn't how I typically engage. However, yet again, that pulse inside of my body had taken hold, and even though I could sense all of this dysfunction, I allowed a sexual interaction to unfold between us. Finally, he came over - late, and ready to rock and roll. (Ha!) It was the night before my 36th birthday celebration. And I watched as the revulsion in his eyes took hold as the fantasy in his mind popped. I wasn’t the pin up girl for his poster, after all. After our brief encounter, he forced himself to spend the night next to me, on my roommate’s twin bed. We tried to converse, but he was a Contrarian who debated everything just to prove his superiority. Of course, he ghosted me beginning the following morning. I wasn’t going to let him keep me from my favorite coffee shop, though. Upon seeing me again, he was filled with hatred. He would toss my change on the counter after I ordered my coffee, or drop our plates on our table after my best friend and I snickered about my experiences with him. He behaved like a total and utter asshole. But, his behavior had nothing to do with me. It was all his own self-loathing. I, on the other hand, just kept showing up. Being Me. And offering compassion. It’s not his fault that the people around him coddle him and let him get away with his behavior. Beginning with his own parents. Then, his friends and bandmates. As well, our world culture promotes this behavior, actually.
HuMan is suffering.
Acutely disconnected from his emotional body, he doesn't recognize all of the on-going pain that this is causing him.
Brainwashed by false notions of FREEDOM and drunk on INAUTHENTIC POWER, he has no awareness that his complete and utter disconnection from his Emotional Body Is the Source of all of his suffering.
(Unfortunately, the only way out of his pain is through it. Thus, he must allow himself to FEEL. & THIS WILL HURT. DEEPLY.)
As you perhaps can imagine, it is a horrifically painful experience to be cut off from part of your whole Self. HuMan needs our help. So that His stone-cold heart can melt.
(And, I need these experiences with Shadow Kings in order to continue to melt my own stone-cold heart. Though, I also think that I allow for these experiences with Shadow Kings because I need to write about it and tell my stories. After all, bringing it into the light where it can be seen is the only way that change can happen.)
Don’t worry, though – I ended up in a spiritual marriage with a KING OF LIGHT.
It was actually the day after my experience with the above Shadow King in which I realized that I needed to surrender to the love and affection that Burt had been demonstrating to, and for, me from day one.
My KING OF LIGHT embodied vulnerability, transparency and, for six years, taught me everything I know now about consent, unconditional love, and self-worth. What a gift!
To top it off, he gave me the other greatest gift of my life ~ our Son. (Last post on this topic continued here >>)